Sorry, shouting, there. But I really don’t. I Can’t Stand The Blasted Things. Very rarely do they herald good news; more often than not they bring Bad Things Down on One.
You may think this odd if you know me - I could variously be described as loquacious, verbally elegant, garrulous, choppsy or a gobshoite depending on your point of view. But, no, I am not keen on phones. I think it may reach back to those occasions when my brother Joe, bored, would grip me around the arms and chest (he was 10 years older than me), dial a random number on the phone and hold the handset up to my ear and mouth and make me speak. This was when phones had to be dialled not pressed, so the agony of the whole situation would be drawn out yet more.
It is What Big Brothers Do.
Anyway, The Wife, at my asking, checked my mobile phone bill to see the balance of texts to calls. Apparently I sent over 680 texts and made, wait for it, 12 minutes 26 seconds of calls. Texts, you see, are discrete and, well, writing. Calls are made, I fear, mostly out of necessity.
Letter and emails, I love. AND TODAY WAS A TRULY REMARKABLE DAY in that, out of the five letters that came through the post today… (Oh, this is too too exciting) …ALL OF THEM WERE FOR ME!! This is so odd as to be, well, odd and cause for me to remark on it. Remarkable.
I have held off opening them until now, so as we can experience the frisson of excitement together. Here goes….
1 RESULT! Happy Feet on DVD from Amazon Rental. That’s this afternoon sorted, then.
2 Bludi Boerclaycard wanting me to have another Idiot Card. Boo.
3 Hotpoint, this time, telling me ‘My’ Guarantee has expired. I hope they actually mean the tumble dryer's. Boo #2
4 Oooo! A handwritten brown envelope… An Invitation! To Big H’s retirement do. A Social Opportunity That Doesn’t Involve Shopkeepers or Medics – Whoopee!
5 And now… Papa Johns offering me a special offer… I say it is addressed to me - Dear Pizza Lover', yup, that is me. You see the problem with pizza places is this (and this is not conceit on my part) I make better pizzas than they do. No, really. The secret is to make a decent tomato sauce first by frying up the tomatoes (tinned) in a little oil with a stock cube, a little wine and just a pinch of mixed herbs. I treat myself occasionally to a splash of chilli in there, too, but that is not for everyone. Those who love action maybe. You then go on to fry the onions separately. Gather your favourite topping stuff. Chuck the lot on a pizza base (shop-bought is just fine), whack it in the oven for 10 and Bob is the proverbial, Fanny’s his Mrs and you’ve a cousin Geoff in the Army. Dee-Lish.
There.
Later today, if this rain ever lets up, the Cavaliers touch team is taking the field for our final league match this season. The squad have worked incredibly hard and are within an ace of really clicking. Individually they have made real progress and have shown such enthusiasm. Really impressive. The girls (for it is a mixed team) have been a delight to work with as they have all improved and chose to take a girls only team to the Pendine Sands tournament at the weekend. I have been pushing for them to do this or enter a women’s team in the league for two or three seasons, now. From what they said and how they trained I think they will do really well. Their confidence and assurance has jumped hugely – and about bludi time too! They wouldn’t believe it when they were told that they were good and getting better. But now, hopefully they will start bossing it on the track. Good on you, girls!
(Oh dear, I think I may have broken the paper shredder. You see, all this financial card junkmail is no longer a cause for irritation as I am now allowed to play wit…sorry, to use with purpose and under supervision, the paper shredder [‘Challenge’: cross-cut, 3mm x 10mm]. And I have just discovered that you can get it to regurgitate lots of bits if you throw the switch to ‘rev’ midway through a jo… oh, phew, its back working now. Thank Gawd for that – I would’ve been in for a terrific telling off.)
NEWS FLASH - sadly, the touch is OFF. I have never known weather like this as regards touch – been playing for at least 14 years and never have we had so many washouts. Dreadful.
As Johnnie ‘worldswingballchampion*’ Coops says - Booo!
*Really, he is.