Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being motivated by performing the 'Haka' before their games, other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own.
The IRB Rugby World Cup 2007 Organising Committee has now agreed to the following, sanctioned displays:
A: The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning.
B: The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponent's head.
C: The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional Route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents' dressing room.
D: Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh suggestion following representations from the RSPCA & La Société Protectrice des Animaux.
E: Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own 'Las-In-Goal-Areas' and then be forcibly removed by the stewards.
F: Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other 13 whom they will corral between the posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
G: The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called 'Saving No.8 Lyle'.
H: Five of the Canadian team will sing 'La Marsaillaise' and hold the rest of the team to ransom.
I: The Italian team will arrive in designer suits, chat up the female stewards and then run away.
J: The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and then claim that it was all in line with European 'grass quotas'. They will curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time, when their appeal for compensation against the UK government will be heard.
K: The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground with a subsidy from the UK government.
L: The French (as hosts) will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the half-way line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (much to the delight of Wales) and burn the officials.
M: The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush.
Now, do come on; it is a non-biased, hackneyed bit of mirth, PLEASE don’t get all uppity about it. Really, look, I’m Welsh for Gawd’s sake – I find it funny. If you go taking offence then, well, get out more. Or take a tablet. Or a little wine. Just don’t go getting all narky, wherever you come from.
welshbob wrote...
HA! HA! HA! Laughed my t#ts off at this one - you've excelled yourself this time! Expect loads of extreme, nasty comments from all parts of the rugby playing globe - did you miss any? Why did you let the Pacific Islands off the hook? Oops, forgot - they're all playing for New Zealand!
wilbach says - oh now. PLEASE don't rile them Kiwis - it has gone all nice and quiet. i hope they have just forgotten about me...
Posted by: welshbob | May 19, 2007 12:41 PM